You are not in a pickle of a jam here. This is not your problem. You are not at fault or responsible in any way. Actually, it’s really none of your business and pretty inappropriate of your mom to lay this on you, especially because — and I don’t mean this in a rude way — you are still a child.

There’s actually a name for what your mother is doing: It’s called “triangulation.” It’s a therapy term and it’s about manipulation. I’m sure your mother isn’t aware she’s doing this or what the repercussions might be, but what she’s doing isn’t fair to you. She’s acting like a child and making you become the parent.

When we get older, much older, our parents will start to need our help as their bodies decay and wait to die (sorry Grandma, but your time’s a’comin’). This is when we can start to parent them. You might hear stories like, “It was only when my dad was on his deathbed that I finally told him I loved him.” That’s because when we get older and more mature, we stop giving a shit about all the anger we’ve carried through the years.

It sounds like your mom is quite needy and dependent on someone else taking care of her. Again, not your problem but I get that she’s your mom and you love her and want her to be okay. But are you willing to give up your life and future to join her in this codependent life she’s trying to sucker you into? You might be. Mom’s are the masters of manipulation. This is where guilt comes from.

In terms of the financial aspect, it seems like she’s making a lot of stuff up or assuming things. If your dad is caught cheating with evidence, she will not be broke whatsoever in the divorce. Unless they signed a pre-nup. This is lawyer stuff that I actually don’t know about, but I have a feeling it’s less about your fancy school and art career, and more about your mom not wanting to be alone. This is between her and your dad and no one else. Not you. [Ed note: In NY, the wife is entitled to about 50% of what the husband made after the marriage. If he made his fortune before he met her, it’s his. In this case, it’s hers. Why hasn’t she even spoken to a lawyer yet?]

When my parents divorced (I was 23), my dad called me and my sister freaking out. WE were freaked out too! We called my mom and got mad at her and didn’t believe what was happening. My dad was bugging, he didn’t know who else to call, however calling me and my sister was wrong because suddenly we were in the middle and weirdly wondering together if we were supposed to take sides. It was very hard and confusing for us, even as adults. In this situation, my dad was your mom, and it didn’t end just there. He went to EXTREME measures to get my mother back. It got really, really scary for a second.

Eventually my sister and I were just over it. This wasn’t my relationship and frankly I didn’t care what they were gonna do. So one of my parents has less money than the other now. So? Get a job. I’ve seen 65-year-old people working. It sucks and I feel for them, and hey, that might be me one day, but today, it’s not. You’re only responsible for yourself. If you want to move out and make art, you do just that. Fuck the money, the soy milk, the false sense of security. Do not let your mother manipulate you into taking care of this issue. Don’t stay at home with her, because you will hate her for the rest of your life. If you don’t believe me, watch the documentary Grey Gardens. It could be your future.

It’s not like your art career is contingent on graduating from art school. If you are scared you won’t have enough money, join the club. This is better for you if you want to be an artist. You don’t need a fancy school, you need a job. Start from the bottom. Start from the floor. This is called humility. It will be the foundation for your decisions for the rest of your life. You’re at a great age. This is the beginning of everything. It’s time to leave the nest and move on. Your mom will be fine. Even if she’s sad and scared, she’ll be fine. Maybe it’s time for her to learn a little humility as well.